Psalm 6

"Every night I make my bed swim. I dissolve my couch with my tears."

Here is the ugly truth about following Jesus. There is still pain. I'm not quite sure where we got the idea that Christianity was all sunshine and roses. Nope. Sometimes life just sucks.

I spent way too many years feeling like I didn't have "it" all figured out. I wondered where my blessings were and thought too often that God was punishing me for sin. I'm learning that it is okay to feel sad. It's okay to cry. It's okay to be angry and frustrated. This doesn't make me any less of a Christian. In fact, I think it makes me more so.

Psalm 5

"There is nothing reliable in what they say."

People have lied about me. They misunderstand what I say. I take enough jabs at myself. Sometimes I am my own worst foe.

Again, I love the way David approaches God. The relationship is so real. It's almost like a soap opera. This is the point we all must reach. I must know God on a personal level. I must move beyound the politeness and get to the heart of the relationship.

That's where true intimacy begins--the place where I can take of my shoes and get a drink for myself in my friend's house. It's where I am no longer afraid to speak up.

How do I miss this? Human relationships are a weak example of what our spiritual relationship should look like. All I need to do is look at my closest friendships and see if my friendship with my Creator matches up.

Psalm 4

"Answer me when I call, Oh God of my righteousness."

I love knowing that I'm not the first person to call out in desperation life this to God. Yeah, I know I'm supposed to have faith and trust, but there are times when you have to scream. I think God understands. After all, He did mold together my soul and my humanity.

Psalm 3

"I lay down and sleep. The Lord sustains me."

The notes in my Bible say that David wrote this while on the run from his enemies. I'm stymied by the fact that in the middle of running for HIS LIFE, David was able to lay down and sleep. Even now I'm thinking, "Isn't there something else more important than sleeping?"

When I look back over my mother's mental illness, I am amazed by how in the middle of the chaos, life went on. Life goes on. We eat. We sleep. We laugh. We watch t.v. There's life. I love that. I love the fact that no matter how angry I am--or frustrated--or depressed--life continues.

I think sometimes that I need to focus more on the life going on within and around me. This life contains hope because as life continues, so can I continue. With each dish I wash and each towel I fold, life goes on. My pain and hope and success and failure are all a part of it.

Did I mention how much I love this?

Psalm 2

"Why are the nations in an uproar..."

I spend a lot of time in uproar. At people driving recklessly on the road. At too long lines in any store. At the injustices around me. At my wishes. At my own hurt feelings. The sad part is that there is no peace in the uproar.

The antidote to the uproar is to take refuge...in Him. Sounds easy enough, but how do you do it? For me, this involves confessing my soul more. I'm going outside more. I'm turning off the noise--literally.

So here I am. Afraid. Worried. Wanting to trust. Wanting to walk in assurance. Wanting to feel peace.

Psalm 1

"...which yields its fruit in its season and its leaf does not wither."

I think this may be my scripture for the year. My heart welled when I read this verse. The fruit--the fruit specifically for the person--appears in its own season. The season meant for him. This is my life. My life yields the fruit that only I can produce when it is the right time for me. I can rest in this idea and cast off my endless worrying and frustration.

This isn't even the best part. Not only is it all about timing, but there is life going on. "The leaf does not wither." No matter how dead I feel inside. No matter how meaningless everything around me may seem, the lone leaf still stands firm and green. There is still life all around me--in the wind that blows and the stars that shine and the smiles of those around me.

Forgiving

"Be on your guard! If a brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, 'I repent,' forgive him." (Luke 17:3-4)

It's simple enough, yet for much of my life I've lived under a misconception about this idea. I always skipped over the rebuke him part and jumped headfirst into the forgive him part. After all, forgiveness is the ultimate expression of Christ-likeness. There's no shortage of preachers out there who encouraged this thinking. Rebuking someone who has sinned is a daunting task that I certainly never wanted to do. It might make them mad or hurt their feelings...or worse yet, they might not like me anymore. And let's face it; sitting back in the artificial glow of forgiveness is so much more comfortable.

I don't think Jesus could have been any clearer. Forgiveness is important...you're supposed to forgive the same offense no matter how frequently it occurs. But there is a stipulation here: you forgive when the person repents. That's when they accept responsibility for the wrong they committed.

I've discovered that Jesus is very much about taking responsibility for your own actions. Want to divorce your wife just because you feel like it? It's a sin. Feel the need to walk around pointing out everyone else's faults so you feel good about yourself? Uh, think again, buddy. Dedicated to your bank account at the expense of your life? You're wrong. Choosing your friends based on their status and wealth? He's shaking his head.

I see Jesus' statement here very much in line with the rest of these ideas. Forgiveness is a wonderful, beautiful attitude, but it's value lies in its ability to restore relationships. How can you have a relationship with someone who doesn't accept the responsibility for the pain they caused you? You can't. It starts at the top. We cannot have a relationship with God until we accept our responsibility for sin. It's not any different in our human relationships.

There's a duty on both sides of the fence. I need to accept responsibility when I hurt another person. I also need to let someone know when they've clearly done something wrong to me. (That's clearly wrong: the opposite of true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good report, and worthy of praise). I actually find this a freeing thought. I don't have to sit in that emotional corner anymore where I cried over the hurt and pain done to me. That place where I cried even more over my own guilt because I thought I was failure at forgiving other people since I couldn't just let it go.

Jesus is such a radical. Truly following his teachings is such a life changing experience. It's certainly not easy...sometimes uncomfortable...and always an adventure.

A Partying Savior?

"The Pharisees and their scribes began grumbling at His disciples, saying, 'Why do you eat and drink with the tax collectors and sinners?'" (Luke 5:30)

We give the Pharisees a hard time. They were religious men who earnestly were seeking the promised Messiah. They followed the rules. They sacrificed. They did their best to keep themselves and others on the path to righteousness. After all, they were the ones who made sure the sermon didn't go past 11:55 and the music was modern without being too offensive. They gladly went out on Monday night visitation and made sure their wives brought a casserole to every potluck dinner.

They thought they were on the right track. I have to stop and think about this right now. How would they know the Messiah? What did they think he would look like? How did they think he would act? Just what exactly were they looking for? They just finished watching Jesus forgive sins and heal. Word on the street is quickly spreading. The Messiah radar is going crazy. Something is up with this guy. Why do you think they were actually following Him?

What were they thinking when they saw Jesus sitting there with sinners...and...having...fun? Fun? The Messiah is hanging out with the dredges of society and laughing with them and listening to their stories? This just didn't make sense. Jesus didn't enter lives with pomp and circumstance. Instead, it was with a few friends, a story, and a healing or two. Where were the carefully selected worship choruses, 22 minute 3-point sermon, and call to salvation?

This is where we miss the point. Jesus is about relationships, not rituals. Jesus wants to know us as people. I believe that if he was walking the face of the earth today, he'd be reading and responding to my blogs regularly. He'd call me up just to find out how my birthday went and pass along a banana bread recipe I'd just love.

The Pharisees couldn't grasp this. Sadly, I don't think it makes sense to many of us today. So I'll say it again. Jesus is about relationships, not rituals. Knowing people.

"Me" Time

"But Jesus himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray." (Luke 5:16)

I'm struck by the casual sound of this tidbit. Jesus Christ...God incarnate...the Messiah left His ministry—His life's work—to go to the wilderness. This didn't happen regularly (as in each Tuesday morning), and it didn't happen when He was worn out (after a long day of work). No, He did this often. He had a mission—to preach good news, to set the prisoners free, and to release the oppressed. Apparently, he also had a need to get away from the madness. He slipped away...He withdrew...He retired...He needed to be alone. And while He was there He prayed.

I'm sure Jesus was a driven person. He knew who He was. He knew His mission. He knew His purpose. He wasn't afraid to offend people or break the accepted rules to accomplish any of this. And yet...He also knew that time alone was crucial for Him to do what He needed to do. And He did this no matter how many people were following Him and presenting their sick and dying and their own needs before Him. It didn't matter how desperately they needed Him at that moment. He made a point of getting away by Himself.

Who am I to think that I'm any different? When I'm overworked and worn out, I'm irritable and forgetful and tired and downright nasty sometimes. This only makes me feel guilty and certainly does nothing to glorify God. How different would my life be if I made the effort to shut out the world and get alone. Just that time will give me a more focused time to pray. It doesn't seem quite so selfish anymore.

Labels

And all were speaking well of Him, and wondering at the gracious words which were falling from His lips; and they were saying, "Is this not Joseph's son?" (Luke 4:22, NASB)

What kind of labels did Jesus wear? Son. Brother. Apprentice. Friend. Community member. He must have filled these roles well. At the very least, the people in the synagogue knew him. They liked him. I imagine he lived his rather ordinary life among these people. So far, nothing unusual stands out. He goes to church. He talks to people. He *lives* his very human life.

Quite honestly, this passage befuddles me. How did Jesus go from being well-spoken of to being chased out of his hometown in what seems like a matter of minutes? I see some frustration here. He just spent 40 days in the wilderness where He was led (not wandered) and tempted with food, money, and power. The first thing He does when He returns is go back to church. He quotes from the scriptures...tells the people that He is what they have been waiting for.

What's their response? They're a little confused. "Isn't this the little boy who just a few years ago ran around the streets of Nazareth? You know...Joseph's son. He lived down the road from Matthat and Inez. We celebrated Passover at their house back in 17 A.D. Remember that presentation he did on Egypt for Parent's Night?"

Jesus' response here fascinates me. He's frustrated. Certainly, this is not the way He expected this declaration to turn out. So He tells them off. He drops the labels and the Mr. Nice Guy facade and lays the truth out there. No doubt you quote this proverb to me, 'Physician, heal yourself! Whatever we heard was done in Capernaum, do here in your hometown as well. Their response?

And they were filled with rage and ran him out of town. Jesus is hardly a meek and mild person. He was well known. He was well liked. He knew who He was. He knew the truth about Himself. He wasn't afraid to buck the system and show people that He was more than what they thought of Him. And He was willing to risk leaving behind all He had known to live this truth.

That's bold.

A Real Boy

And he said to them, "Why is it that you were looking for Me? Did you not know that I had to be in my Father's house?" But they did not understand the statement which He had made to them. (Luke 2:49-50, NASB)

If I ever had any doubt that Jesus was really human, it's gone now. Apparently, he was so much like a typical boy that his parents had even forgotten that he was the Son of God. Twelve years had passed since the angel appeared to them and told them about the supernatural child who would soon be a part of their lives. Twelve years. 624 weeks. 4,383 days. That's plenty of time to forget.

I can't be too harsh with them. In the last twelve years, I've had 8 jobs, 8 vehicles, 6 boyfriends, 5 houses, and 4 visits to foreign countries. I've ended countless relationships. Got married. Finished a degree. Lost and gained close to 400 pounds. There's a lot of life there. It's easy to get lost in it all.

So I wonder what Jesus was like as a boy. I think of the 12 year olds I've known. Surely the nature of boys hasn't changed *that* much in the last 2,000 years. They are goofy. They laugh at their own little jokes. They still cry. They like to play games. They talk back to their parents. They resist authority. They start to think for themselves. They figure out what they like and what they are good at...and they spend a tremendous amount of time and effort in those areas.

There's such comfort here for me because if this is true...if Jesus really was human... Well, that means God himself walked through those challenging adolescent years with the same human grace I had. That means he was embarrassed. He thought about how he fit into the grand scheme of the world. He experimented. He reasoned. He looked at girls. He laughed with his friends. He probably even struggled with geometry. All this means that when I come to him with my piddly human problems, He can wrap His arms around me and tell me that He understands. And He means it.